Don't hang down your head

In 2nd Nephi 10, Jacob is talking to his people who seem discouraged to have been led out of the land of their inheritance, away from the rest of Israel and Jerusalem. It seems they felt the promises of the Lord didn't pertain to them on the far away isle of the sea to which they had been exiled. Jacob reminds them of the promises made to the covenant people, and reminds them in verse 20,

20And now, my beloved brethren, seeing that our merciful God has given us so great knowledge concerning these things, let us remember him, and lay aside our sins, and not hang down our heads, for we are not cast off; nevertheless, we have been driven out of the land of our inheritance; but we have been led to a better land, for the Lord has made the sea our ^cpath, and we are upon an ^disle of the sea.

Rather than seeing the promised land as a blessing, they saw themselves as being cast off. God is so merciful and remembers us always. All too often, we see our blessings as being cast off because they are not the blessings we want or the blessings others have. We resist the changes in our lives and cling to old blessings we don't need for our growth anymore. Like the child with a pacifier or a favorite blankie, we can't give up something that has worn out its benefit to us. The Lord gradually weans us of useful but inaccurate attitudes and coping skills and swaps them for truth. The truth is sometimes hard and not nearly as comforting as our inaccurate pacifiers. But holding on to them keeps us from growing. Do not hang down your head for you are not cast off! You were LED to a better land- the Lord takes care of our paths and leads us to the blessings He wants us to have. Don't look back, but rather forward and consider your trials. How many of them are new territory the Lord is leading you to as a blessing he intends you to enjoy?

Personal Example in callings- 1 Corinthians 9

In a few weeks, I am in charge of talking to our primary teachers for five minutes about what import our example has on our teaching. We all know that "do as I say, not as I do," works miserably. I hear my own kids disciplining each other or dealing with frustration in the same way I do, and often, it makes me hang my head and wish I were better. Other times, I see them deal well with their problems and I feel proud of them and think, "Aren't they clever?"

This week, I was re-reading 1Nephi 20, and found the word declare used many times. I thought I'd follow the scriptures references for declare and came to some great verses in 1 Corinthians 9. Now, one worry our bishop has is that many people are coming to fulfill their callings, but skip sacrament all together (we have 9:00 church. After a full Saturday night, 9:00 is pretty difficult. I don't have full Saturday nights anymore. And I still have a hard time with 9:00, so I'm not trying to get on my high horse.) Here is the scripture I was led to in 1 Corinthians where Paul is speaking:

13Do ye not know that they which minister about holy things live of the things of the temple? and they which wait at the altar are partakers with the altar?

14Even so hath the Lord ordained that they which preach the gospel should live of the gospel.

What a great image- those beautiful old people (no offense intended to anyone who is "old"- if you were offended, you're probably old), shining with the joy of living the fullness of gospel, working at the altars of the temple. They have learned to sacrifice and faithfulness to God and family. I was thinking that to"live of the things of the temple" meant to do the things we covenant to in the temple. The next day, I went back to read it again, and found it had dual meaning. Paul meant that the priests of his day literally lived of the sacrifices of the temple, or ate the meat from the sacrifices. (I would like to go back in time and do a study of the cardiovascular systems of Levites versus other Israelite tribes.) It means a full internalization or consumption of the things of the temple. They which preach the gospel should live of the gospel- on a superficial and a profound level.

Then, I was led to this scripture in 2 Corinthians 3:2:

Ye are our epistle written in our hearts, known and read of all men.

Since we see ourselves so seldom, I think we trick ourselves into thinking that everyone sees us as we see ourselves. But we are so merciful to ourselves, and think we see others clearly. We are epistles of our lives, known and read of all men whether we like it or not. And when we teach, there is nothing more telling than this epistle. Especially children. Bishop Burton has said in General Conference (Oct. 2001, but I think more recently as well because I remember it very clearly,)

. . . remember, young people can detect hypocrisy as easily as they can smell the wonderful aroma of freshly baked bread.

It leaves us empty and hungry to say one thing and do another, (cognitive dissonance, for all of those psychologists out there.) And it leaves our children empty and confused when they hear one thing and see another.

Continuing on the theme of food as a deep, fulfilling sustenance coming from doing what is right, Paul continues to quote part of the law of Moses to help us understand:

9. For it is written in the law of Moses, Thou shalt not muzzle the mouth of the ox that treadeth out the corn. Doth God take care for oxen?

The Lord's character is revealed through the Law of Moses- if an animal is serving us, we are to allow it to eat freely as it does the work. Doth God take care for the oxen? No, Paul says, he just cares about teaching us. Though I'm sure the Lord does care for the oxen, an ox can't read; he wants to teach us that when we do his work, he will feed us. As we tread out the corn, we are to eat freely! We are taught the same thing by the way the Lord provided for the Levite priests of old. He taught the law of sacrifice while feeding his servants as well. The next verse, 1 Corinthians 9:10 says,

Or saith he it altogether for our sakes? For our sakes, no doubt, this is written: that he that ploweth should plow in hope; and that he that thresheth in hope should be partaker of his hope.

We can go about "smelling" the blessings of the gospel without eating them, or we can fully partake of the feast the Lord has prepared for us through our callings and full church activity. As teachers , we plow in hope, and those who thresh, or listen, should be partakers of our hope. As we feed them, we feed ourselves.

We lived after the manner of happiness- from a parenting perspective

(I chose this picture because it reminds me of when J. and I were married- after the wedding breakfast, we hiked up to this viewpoint of the temple and talked about goals. Today is our 9th anniversary, and I am so grateful for those covenants and the blessings that have come in my life because of them.)

I was talking to a friend last night about making decisions about what is best for our kids. She has in-laws who are mission presidents and said they had stated that from their perspective, the two most important things to teach your kids are

1. to be responsible
2. to work hard

That sounds pretty good to me, but I would also add the first and greatest commandment, to love God, and secondly, to love others.

Today, I was reading 2 Nephi 5, and Nephi explaining their lives, building in a new land, he says, "we lived after the manner of happiness."

If you assume our main goal is happiness for our children in this life and the next, you can study Nephi's method of living to arrive at "the manner of happiness." Following is a list from the chapter of the things they did:

1. Build a temple. (vs. 16) We should have as our ultimate goal to help our kids arrive at the temple ready to make and keep covenants.
2. Sow seed and reap again in abundance. (vs. 11) Nephi means gardening, but I think it could apply to all types of projects these days- keeping in mind that the seeds we sow must be worthwhile, meaning, we reap the rewards in abundance.
3. They listened to a prophet who kept them safe (vs. 6) and they believed in the warnings and revelations of God.
4. They separated themselves from wickedness (vs. 7).
5. They kept the commandments (vs. 10)
6. They had kids (vs. 13)
7. They prepared for the future and to protect their families from the dangers facing them (vs. 14)
8. They built buildings and learned trades- working with wood, iron, copper, brass, steel, gold, and silver. They were industrious and learned to "labor with their hands" and have jobs. (vs. 15, vs. 17) Nephi always amazes me- he was an incredible craftsman on top of all other things.
9. Soften their hearts toward the Lord (like the Lamanites didn't in verse 21).
10. Marry well (vs. 23, looking at the cursing as a spiritual cursing)
11. Keep records from which to learn (vs. 31-33)

So, working hard and being responsible work pretty well with Nephi's version of "the manner of happiness." This chapter reminds me of something Joseph and I were inspired to teach our family. We were in the temple for a special ward temple session and a member of the temple presidency was speaking to us. He said this phrase in his talk, and that's about all I remember: Come to become.
We talked about it and decided to make that the theme of everything we invite our children to participate in with our family. Come to prayer and scripture study to become an eternal family. If we are teaching something, we invite them, reminding them to come to become. Nephi didn't force anyone to join him as he left Laman and Lemuel, but he invited them.
My vision (which isn't yet complete) is to have in our living room a beautiful picture of the temple and underneath it the phrase, Come to become, inviting my children to look to the temple covenants as their goal that they may become the Children of Christ, and not just mine. And I hope to teach a little hard work and responsibility along the way.

2 Nephi 2:24

I am amazed at the clarity of this chapter on opposition, freedom to choose, the redemption from the fall, and happiness. A short verse I haven't noticed before popped out at me, verse 24. It says,

But behold, all things have been done in the wisdom of him who knoweth all things.

Try to imagine knowing all things. Take some time to remember that you don't know everything, and then think of God as one who knows all things- past, present, and future, through the vast expanse of space. And remember that he has done all things HIS wisdom, not ours. Then, remember the next verse,

. . . Men are, that they might have joy.

Now remember how much God loves you and desires only your eternal joy. It's was nice to put my life in perspective remembering that short, basic verse.

The cure for all social ills

On March 15, we had ward conference. I know from ward council that our bishop was planning on addressing Strengthening the Family. The ward counsel has been discussing ways to fight the many evils confronting the youth in the ward and has decided to focus on starting with their families through three monthly meetings. During these meetings, it has been suggested that the bishopric address video gaming, pornography, obscene texting, chat rooms, and simply wasting time in idle pursuits. I went to our Ward Conference expecting to hear a talk about strengthened parenting and stronger rules, etc. Instead, the bishop said that he had been inspired to change his talk. He proceeded to address the age-old issue of gratitude. He admonished us to be happy with what we have and to find joy in our ordinary blessings- which are really extraordinary gifts from God. We went home and spoke about it with our kids and I was reminded all week to count my blessings.

Now, as it has been 3 weeks since that talk, I have had more time to think about the meaning of that message. Why would the Lord tell our bishop to teach about gratitude instead of the issues that we confront directly?

Because the root of all of these evils, these addictions, is an aching and yearning for more- an emptiness. Why do people play video games excessively? Why do people get addicted to pornography? Why do any of us get addicted to shopping or complaining or anything that wastes our time? Because we have a void. We are bored or lonely or aching somewhere inside. We are unfullfilled. And the Lord counseled our bishop to address being happy with what we have. Gratitude fulfills us and brings us to praise God! It makes us feel that our lives are worthwhile so that we wish to fill them with noble pursuits, goals and dreams. Even when things don't turn out as we would wish, we can sit down and see the things that have turned out.

My patriachal blessing ends with an admonition I have memorized and think about often. It says,

Take time to examine your life and recognize the positive benefits you have had. If you will do this, you will divert the negative feelings and experiences and develop a cheerful and positive personality that can appreciate the blessings of life and the association of the spirit.

Through gratitude we can divert the negative feelings. Think of all of these idle pursuits as diversions- they divert our minds. From what? From the voids and emptiness we feel. And that is why they are so addictive. When you spend your time on empty pursuits, it makes you feel more empty. Then, when you feel empty, you need even more to become fulfilled again. But when we take time to recognize the blessing we have received and to bring the Lord's love into our lives, it really does fulfill us and encourages us to do things that are meaningful. Diversions are wonderful and necessary, but take care that your diversions bring you back around to God- so that you can avoid negative feelings and experiences.

As I was sharing my thoughts with a friend, she opened my eyes to a quote President Monson quoted in October 2010's conference talk on Gratitude (http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/the-divine-gift-of-gratitude?lang=eng&query=gratitude). He says,

We can lift ourselves and others as well when we refuse to remain in the realm of negative thought and cultivate within our hearts an attitude of gratitude. If ingratitude be numbered among the serious sins, then gratitude takes its place among the noblest of virtues. Someone has said that “gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others.”

President Joseph F. Smith, quoted in the same talk said,

The grateful man sees so much in the world to be thankful for, and with him the good outweighs the evil. Love overpowers jealousy, and light drives darkness out of his life.Pride destroys our gratitude and sets up selfishness in its place. How much happier we are in the presence of a grateful and loving soul, and how careful we should be to cultivate, through the medium of a prayerful life, a thankful attitude toward God and man!

So now, we come full circle- gratitude drives darkness out of our lives! I have no doubt at all that our bishop was inspired as he changed his talk from one that reaches only some in his audience to the root of the whole problem and one that reaches every member of the human race. How small is our vision, yet how much broader it can be if we will listen to the Lord, and prayerfully see our blessings.

Praise the Lord

I remember once in college when I was going to a difficult test and felt very overwhelmed. Before I left my kitchen, I decided to open my scriptures and read whatever came up. I opened to 2 Nephi 22. It is a very short chapter, but still one of my favorites. It says,

And in that day thou shalt say: O Lord, I will praise thee; though thou wast angry with me thine anger is turned away, and thou comfortedest me. Behold, God is my salvation; I will trust, and not be afraid; for the Lord JEHOVAH is my strength and my song; he also has become my salvation. Therefore, with joy shall ye draw water out of the wells of salvation. And in that day shall ye say: Praise the Lord, call upon his name, declare his doings among the people, make mention that his name is exalted. Sing unot the Lord; for he hath done excellent things; this is known in all the earth. Cry out and shout, thou inhabitant of Zion; for great is the Holy One of Israel in the midst of thee.

I sat in the chair, feeling peace wash over me as if I had been drawing water out of the well of salvation- literally. Yet, rather than being the cry for help I thought I needed, I found I was led to praise the Lord instead. The ensuing peace was a result of God's mercy.

Nephi reminded me of this power and has led me on a search to understand what it means to praise the Lord. When Nephi and his family enter the boat bound for the promised land, his brothers begin to be very rude. Then, they tie him up, and no amount of coaxing will get them to let him go. Their parents are about to die, their baby brothers cry, Nephi's wife and children plead. Nephi's arms and ankles swell and are very sore. The waves toss the boat around and almost swallow it up before Laman and Lemuel decide to set Nephi free- to save their own lives. I'm sure it was dramatic. All I need is crying kids around me to make me lose my cool. But not Nephi, of course. In 1 Nephi 19: 16, he says,

Nevertheless, I did look unto my God, and I did praise him all the day long; and I did not murmer against the Lord because of mine afflictions.

It seems almost as if Nephi has learned a great game to deal with the heaps of trials he confronts. It's like Pollyanna and her great game of finding the good in situations, but infinitely more powerful. Nephi's game finds its strength in looking to God and praising him no matter what comes. Not just looking for the good, but recognizing the unchangeable nature of that being who created us. Knowing Him well enough to have a deep and abiding reverence for his actions and purposes. Feeling awe at his greatness and glory and gratitude at being a part of his plan regardless of our current circumstances. Praising the Lord even when the actions of others bring us pain and sorrow and injure those we love.

How simple it is to praise the Lord while sitting in a pew at church, far away from daily cares. But how often do I strive to praise the Lord throughout a regular day? Nephi continues to give us very good reason to do so. After he is released in verse 21, he says,

Behold, I took the compass, and it did work whither I desired it. And it came to pass that I prayed unto the Lord; and after I had prayed the winds did cease, and the storm did cease, and there was a great calm. And it came to pass that I Nephi, did guide the ship, that we sailed again towards the promised land.

If we cease to praise the Lord in the midst of our trials, we will not be worthy to wield the Liahona. We will receive no revelation, regardless of whose fault it is that we encounter difficulty.

The day I read that passage, I told myself I would try to praise the Lord all day. As I grumbled through my different tasks, I realized that I had no idea of how to praise the Lord: the practical side of the issue was lost on me. So, the next day, I studied what it meant to praise the Lord, and I came up with a short list of things I can do when I feel like grumbling. Instant praising.

1. Sing hymns that speak of the greatness of God and praise him
2. Count your blessings
3. Think of scripture stories or stories in our history where the Lord has delivered his people
4. Remember times in your life when the Lord has been there for you
5. Search for the hand of God in your life that day or the day before
6. Go to a place where you can be alone and pray
7. Listen for the birds; look at the clouds or the mountains and the trees. Sometimes it helps to just step outside. Get out of your current situation if you feel like grumbling and look for God in a new place.
8. Recognize how much you need him and depend on him
9. Think of the temple and how you have felt there. Take yourself through one of the ordinances in your mind. Remember especially the promises

I'll be working on this for a long time to come. It is not something to do once, or just on Sundays. It is a habit that will allow me to avoid many of the difficulties of this life and keep a positive outlook regardless of what happens around me. I think it will have to start as a game before it becomes my automatic reaction to any difficulty I encounter. If Nephi can do it while tied up on a tossing ship, I can do it in front of my kitchen sink, right?

Creating tools to solve our problems

We were having a hard time, recently, getting our kids to clean their rooms and do their homework without complaining for hours and hours, so we began to search for something to help us. We've had a chart and a home store and all sorts of exciting little bobbles to motivate and enlighten them. No go. I don't even remember how it happened, though I'm sure it was some sort of revelation, but we came across the newest and greatest tool: the power of perception. We changed their bedtime to 7:30 instead of 8:00, and we told them that if they got everything done before Daddy came home, they could "stay up late." Then, when we stay up late, we do something really fun like play games together or watch part of a show. The key is getting the "offenders" to bed early, which they really need anyway, and being involved in play for 30 minutes. And it is magic.

Reading 1 Nephi 16 and 17, I was struck by Nephi's resourcefulness while the rest of his family murmers. When Nephi's bow breaks, they all complain and sit down to die. Are they so hungry that they can't get up and figure something out? Are they sick or simply tired of it all? Why don't they:
1. Pick up the Liahona and ask the Lord what they should do or
2. Figure out some other tool to kill animals

They had just come back from a long journey, and the rest of the family had waited to them to come back with food. I can't even imagine how hungry they must have been. Exhausted and tired. But since Nephi broke his bow, they had a scapegoat, someone to blame for their troubles. Then, they seem to be blinded to their options by their anger and having someone to blame. Isn't it interesting that having someone to blame seems like a solution sometimes?
My husband and I could have said this:
"Our kids are just tired after school and we probably shouldn't expect them to get their rooms clean. We give up."
Believe me, in other areas, blaming and excuses do count as a solution of sorts.
But, going back to Nephi, when you're starving to death, you can't just ignore your problem.
Maybe the group did think to turn to the Liahona, and since they were not humble, but complaining instead, it gave them no answers.
But once Nephi was led to create a tool, and humbly ask his penitent father to turn to the Liahona, it showed them the answer. Nephi is my hero. He doesn't give up or get bitter that everyone is blaming him. Instead, he finds a tool and he takes it to the Lord. That is a powerful cure for murmuring.

The next chapter teaches us almost the same thing! When the Lord asks Nephi to build a ship, his first response is, "Lord, whither shall I go that I may find ore to molten that I may make tools to construct the ship after the manner which thou hast shown unto me?" (1 Nephi 17:9).

The first thing he asks is not, "Where do I get the wood? How do I draw the plans? " Instead, it is, "How do I make the tools?"

When we have problems, it is easy to respond as the rest of Nephi's family by asking, "Who is to blame for this? Who's going to solve it for me?" or even, "How am I supposed to get through this trial?" Sometimes, that leads us to tools. But maybe we'd get there in a more straight-forward way if we would assume we can make a difference, turn to face the trial, and find a tool. Remembering always that we must take that tool to the Lord and ask him how to use it. Because He is the master Craftsman. But remember that Nephi didn't just get to make tools. He first had to learn to build a bellows. Then, he had to find the right rock with ore in it. Then, he had to extract the ore from the rock, and FINALLY make the tools. Then, he could ask where to find the wood. Sometimes, it takes multiple tools and a long, long time to solve a problem. And some problems remain a life-long "thorn in the flesh."

That reminds me of something I learned from General Conference. In Elder Christofferson's talk, he made the point that if we are choosing as our template a perfect being, as is Christ, we should expect correction at every point of the journey. How can you aspire to build a perfect ship when you have never built ships, made tools, or even sailed before? You apprentice yourself to a great ship builder and then you expect correction and even chastisement. The word chastise sounds harsher than correct, but are the meanings very different? We should be watching for chastisement from our master shipbuilder. What else should we expect when aspiring to perfection? How often do I pray for him to correct me rather than help me? I always want him to bless me with this or that. But he can only help me as he corrects who I am and leads me to a more perfect way.